Alphabet
by orys
Summary: Swan Queen drabbles / Most AU
1. Accumulate

Regina had gathered a lot of photos in her time as a parent. Most were of Henry when he was a baby. She didn't really have much of him now, considering he always begged Emma to be in them, but Regina didn't want her to be. There was a time when Ms. Swan was in all of her pictures; there were even some with both her and Regina, arms wrapped around waists, loving each other's company. But the blonde knew, just as well as the mayor did, that those days were over, no matter how badly they wanted to get back to where they were before.

Things between them had ended in a rather unwelcome way. Emma was stuck between Regina and Graham, sometimes lying to one of them just so she could see them both in one night. She couldn't believe she fell for any of the lies the sheriff was giving her, but this was the first time she was in love since Daniel and she just didn't want to believe everything was going down the tubes.

This is why she never put her heart fully into anything, besides Henry. He was with Regina when Emma annouced she was choosing Graham. Regina thought he'd run off with the blonde and leave her to grieve all on her own, but he didn't; she was his mother, too, and he knew that she needed comfort more than Emma needed a kid trailing her to her new home. Henry had helped her do things around the house and even cleaned his room when she told him to. When she was having one of her off days (mostly after seeing Emma and Graham being lovey-dovey at Granny's, or just in general) Henry would walk up to her and just hug her as tight as he could, wishing he could make all of the pain go away.

Regina had caught herself daydreaming about what could've been had they stayed together, the stack full of Henry's baby pictures slowly falling out of her hands and onto the floor. She had been snapped back into reality, gathering the fallen items back up as quickly as she could, shoving them all back into the box they came from. She stood up, ready to put the photo box back into the closet where it belonged, but she stopped, reaching out and running her fingers over another box, the ones with all of the memories of Emma.

She set one box back where it was supposed to be, but she grabbed the other before closing the closet door. Regina knew it would be a bad idea to live their relationship all over again; she couldn't stop, she didn't want to.

As she pulled out each individual picture, smiling faintly at all of the goofy faces the sheriff would make when the camera was pulled out; she couldn't help but wonder what it was like to actually be with someone til death. She had dreamed about that her whole life, but she knew there was no way she was ever going to know for sure. Regina was certian she didn't ever want to love again.


	2. Brevity

Emma didn't know what to do the first time she saw Regina cry. She didn't even know someone as icy as the mayor was capable of such emotion. Her hands moved to Regina's back, rubbing it, trying to comfort her, but not really knowing how. Emma wasn't sure why her girlfriend was so upset, every time she tried to explain it, she couldn't get her words together past her hiccuping.

"You know you can tell me," the blonde whispered, her breath soothing on Regina's ear. She moved her fingers to the mayor's beautiful brown hair, running her fingers through it and playing with just a few strands. Emma wasn't one for soothing people, she was always the one that was making sure their lives were miserable, but since her and Regina started seeing each other, she couldn't not care.

"I- I just.. I f-feel so..," the other murmured, reaching up and wiping her nose with the back of her hand, "I feel so awful for what I did to everyone." She sat up a little straighter, making sure Emma's hand stayed on her back. Regina always felt better being alone, but right now, she just needed to be held.

Emma blinked a few times. Regina feeling bad? That was something new. She never thought the brunette was one to apologize for anything, no matter how bad it all came out. Regina was the evil queen, for God's sake. Her whole existence was just to ruin people's lives, but it seemed to Emma that she never really saw it that way. Maybe it was just a title that was given to her by the people she screwed over. Emma didn't really understand what had happened in the past, mostly because Regina never wanted to talk about it. She always shook her head and walked away when the blonde even opened her mouth.

"But everything is all better now," she slid her hand around her girlfriend's waist, pulling her as close as she could, "Everyone remembers who they are; fences are mended."

"Everyone hates me for what I did. Don't you see that, Emma? They hate me. They want to kill me. What am I supposed to do? I can't even leave," Regina whimpered. She hated being so vulnerable, so exposed to criticism for her tears. Tears were weak, showing everyone your inner self was week, or so her mother would say. She could never cry around her unless she wanted to be humiliated.

Emma didn't know what to say. She knew how irate everyone was; they even came to her house in an angry mob, threatening her until the sheriff got there to save the day. The townspeople were still angry, still sending anonymous letters to the house, though sometimes Emma could tell who they were from from the person's handwriting. Regina did do wrong. She did take people from their lives in the fairytale world & moved them somewhere where they couldn't even remember their own family members, but why would she cry over this if she wasn't sorry?

"Maybe you should tell them that you are sorry?"

"I can't," the brunette wiped her eyes.

"Why not?" Her girlfriend asked, placing a hand on Regina's chin and moving her head so that they were seeing eye-to-eye. "Why can't you just apologize and be done with it?"

"Because that means I'm weak.." And with that, the tears stopped as fast as they started; she pulled herself together, running her own fingers through her hair, pulling away from Emma. She was certain that that breakdown wasn't going to happen again. Regina could only hear her own mother's voice in her head. She only heard the things that were drilled in her mind throughout her childhood. She couldn't let anyone see that she could be dominated in a split second, she couldn't be submissive. "& I'm not weak."


	3. Culpable

"Mary- Mom, I think it's time that I tell you what's been going on for the past few days," Emma said as soon as she stepped foot into Mary Margaret's apartment, which also used to be her home as well. There was a faint smell of vanilla; Emma really missed it sometimes, considering the only smell that was in her new home was usually of apples and cinnamon, not that she didn't like that at all. But vanilla just seemed more.. innocent.

The teacher put on her best smile and lead her daughter to the couch, "And what is it? Does it have to do with you moving in with Regina?" She tried her hardest to hide the disappointment in her eyes. What would people say if Snow White's daughter was shacking up with the Evil Queen? Not too many good things, she thought.

"I- you know?" The blonde was a little taken aback. Maybe her mother really did have eyes in the back of her head, like all of the other foster parents before her.

"Of course I know, it was all Henry could talk about when he was in school earlier this week," Mary Margaret retorted, tipping her head some to fully look over Emma's face, her face changing right before her mother's eyes.

"Remind me to give that kid the worst wedgie when I go to leave," Emma laughed just a little bit, but stopped when she didn't see the teacher's expression change into a lighter one. "Okay, if you're mad at me or something, can you just yell at me?" She closed her eyes tightly, getting ready for whatever her mother was going to throw at her.

"Emma, you make it seem like I'm going to throw things at you. Knock it off."

And with that, Emma softed her position, opening her eyes once again, "Sorry, all of my foster parents used to bitch at me all the time, even for things I never did." She bought her fingers to her mouth and started chewing on her nails, not stopping until Mary Margaret reached up and pulled her hand away from her mouth.

"That's a filthy habit to start up," she commented, before smoothing over her hair and sitting up straighter, "Now, you know Regina isn't my favourite person in the world."

"I noticed."

The teacher only gave her a quick look meaning 'don't interrupt me while I'm talking to you' before continuing, "Are you sure she didn't just put some love potion into your food while you were over visiting Henry? I wouldn't put it past her, you know. She liked ripping people's hearts out, maybe she's going to do the same to you-"

"Mom-" Emma tried to interject, but the other woman just kept rambling on and on. Of course she liked that someone was actually taking her best interest to heart, but it was twenty eight years too late. The sheriff knew what she was doing, and she knew what Regina wasn't doing.

"-she wasn't called the 'Evil' Queen for nothing, you know; remember that she caused me to lose you for your whole lifetime, right?" The brunette's hands were pretty animate as she started talking a little faster, just wanting to burn into Emma's brain what she was getting into.

"Mom," she said again, grabbing Mary Margaret's hands, holding them tight, "I love her. She loves me. This is not some plot to kill me.. she makes me happy." Emma smiled some when she heard herself say those words, hearing them out loud made everything seem more official than moving personal objects into a house still too big even with three people. "Henry's happy that we're together, I just.. I want you and dad to be, too. I just want you both to be proud of me.."

"We already are, Emma."


	4. Desultory

Regina had always feared dating. Not only because there was no one ever available to her tastes in Storybrooke (besides Graham, but look how that ended), she'd have to reveal personal things about herself; and that was one thing the mayor never wanted to do. She could never open herself up to be pitied or ridiculed for what had happened in her childhood or even after that. Most of the time, she never wanted to remember, though the memories would always find their way back.

When the brunette was on the phone with Ms. Swan, who was asking if they could meet up for dinner, Regina found herself thinking this was a date. No, she hasn't even pictured herself with a woman before, but why would someone just ask you out to dinner? Emma didn't say she had any business to discuss, nor did she bring up asking if Henry could come, too. They hated each other, (Regina hated Emma a bit more, just to say that she had the upper-hand), though the mayor found herself agreeing, her voice wavering just a bit when she said the word. Before Emma could ask her what was wrong, Regina quickly hung up the phone.

Even though Regina knew this wasn't remotely close to being a date, she was in her closet, throwing things around and holding garments up to herself as she looked in the mirror, shaking her head at almost anything. Why did she even have to look good for the sheriff? It's not like Emma would abandon her trusty skinny jeans and red jacket just for the mayor, so Regina decided to keep it casual; no fancy dresses were required. She finally settled on a short, black dress, using a wide red belt to make sure her waist could be distingushed even from across the room. She slipped on some matching red heels, before going downstairs and grabbing her purse & her keys, leaving the house.

"Wow, I didn't know you could owned something that wasn't a shade of black," Emma stated as Regina sat down across from her. She had to admit that they mayor would've looked better if she wore more colours, but she kept that to herself. Emma pushed a hand up and moved some of her hair out of her face. She was surprised the mayor had agreed to even see her. Even though the air felt a little tense at first, the sheriff was determinded to get past this whole rift with Regina. She didn't want them to fight so much with Henry around. Emma just wanted Henry to be loved by both of his mothers, and she wanted both of his mothers to tolerate and care for each other.

Regina felt the beginning of a smile tug at her lips, but she stopped herself before Emma could see it. "Well, Ms. Swan, unlike you, I don't wear the same thing every day," she added a bit of playfulness to her tone. The blonde tipped her head some, considering she's never heard Regina ever be nice to her since she rolled into town.

"So, I was thinking that.. we could get to know each other more and we could not be at each other's throats all the time for Henry. I want him to be happy and not have to choose between us," Emma nodded after she finished, to confirm that her words sounded just as right as they did in her head. She had actually wanted to learn a lot more about the mayor when she first laid eyes on her. Henry had told her all he knew; that she was an evil queen out to destroy everyone in the town, but all that did was make Emma laugh. She believed that the kid was just pulling a prank on her, even though she could see in his eyes that he was dead serious.

"Get to know each other?" Regina asked, pursing her lips as she thought of a proper response, "I don't think so, Sheriff, I don't share personal details about my past or my life." The brunette smiled this time, watching the other's expression falter. She got a little kick seeing Emma's lips contort downward, "I feel like I shouldn't get on that kind of level with the townspeople."

"Why not? Do you have something to hide, _Regina_?" Emma narrowed her eyes. She was beginning to believe Henry's story; queen or no queen, his mother was a witch. "If you don't want to talk about your life, so what. We don't have to, then. Why don't we just exchange interests, though I have to say that ruining peoples' lives is not on my list." She regretted the words just as she released them from her mouth; she was trying to be nice, and this isn't what she had in mind.

"You know what, Sheriff Swan?" Regina pushed her chair back and stood up, trying not to show how disappointed she was, keeping the anger in her eyes, "I don't think it would be a great idea if you tried to talk to me again. You can see Henry, but please don't try to bring me into any of what you do." And with that, she left Granny's, keeping her head up, though on the inside she felt like she had been hit by a truck and run over repeatedly.

She didn't want to admit it to anyone as she sat in her car, but she kind of wished it was a date.


	5. Enrapture

Emma had always enjoyed the sounds Regina made in bed, because she knew she was the only one that would be allowed to hear them. She loved the feel of nails on her back, scratching her skin and leaving smooth red lines in their wake. Emma thought the mayor was enchanting, even more so when she was under the blonde, writhing and making cat-like noises as the sheriff found all of the right spots.

The animalistic sounds always rattled something in Emma; not in a bad way, but they made her believe that she was doing her absolute best to please the woman she loved. She never thought the brunette would be a bottom. Regina always seemed to be in control, and when they did this deed the first time, she had no problem nor any words of concern when Emma positioned herself on top of her, determined to keep that spot.

Emma was snapped out of her thoughts when she felt Regina's lips placing hot kisses along the length of her neck; that was something she always had the pleasure of waking up to, but it was greater when she was already awake and capable of responding properly. Regina bit down, hard, but not hard enough to break skin, eliciting a moan from the blonde. She felt fingers tangle in her long blonde hair, pulling. Maybe this was the time that Regina wanted to be on top, but Emma didn't want to give up her pedestal so easily.

"Are you trying to top me, Madam Mayor?" Emma tried to keep the question in her voice, but it didn't become much more than a husky whisper; the brunette was teasing her pretty well. Regina's tongue and teeth were magical.

"Oh, why would I want to do that?" Regina whispered back, her voice just as low and sultry. She ran her fingers up the sheriff's arm, brining her nails to dig into the skin only gently, before moving her whole hand to the other side of Emma's neck, still testing the flesh with her teeth on the other. "You being on me is so much better," her speech was muffled. She moved up and let out a small breath in Emma's ear before biting her lobe.

Emma took her chance to use her fast skills to grab Regina's arms and pin her down, causing the mayor to growl in a mix of frustration and amusement. She looked up into those deep green eyes staring back at her. She smiled, but in more of a seductive way, wanting to know what Ms. Swan was up to. It must not be something good. The blonde leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Regina's jaw, moving in a line from her neck to her chest. She started sucking on a spot, causing the mayor's back to arch. Emma loved that arch.

Regina knew her place in bed. She allowed Emma to be the dominant; submitting to her whenever Emma snapped her fingers. This was something she wasn't used to, but she never wanted to get in the way when the sheriff was on a roll, especially when it involved making her shiver and groan. She tried to move her arms, but Emma just held them tighter to the point where she thought her wrists would snap, though she liked it that way; she liked being pinned, especially against a mattress.

"We're doing this again?" The woman inquired, letting the smirk show on her face, "You always love to show me all the strength you have, don't you?" The question lost all luster when Emma caused her to moan, quite loud.

Emma didn't respond, only pulled her mouth away from the warm skin on Regina's chest. She kept her legs on each side of the other woman's body, squeezing her wrists. "You know how this goes," she purred, "..you have to tell you what you want."

The mayor love/hated being reduced to begging. _At least this time I'm not on my knees_, she thought, looking up at Emma, pouting her lip, "Why can't you just give me what I want?"

"Beg, Regina," Emma leaned in closer to Regina's lips, so the brunette knew she was serious. She placed her lips on the other's, only lightly, not even enough to be considered a full-on kiss. She knew that was going to leave Regina panting and then she would get the whining she was looking for.

Regina clenched her fists just a bit; she didn't want Emma to win, but she was getting hotter by the minute and elongating this sensation would be even more painful. Her voice became a whisper as she relayed the words; "Emma, fuck me."

"What? I can't hear you?" Emma pressed her hips against her girlfriend's. She was rewarded with a gasp, then a loud exhale. She knew she was pushing her luck, but it was just so hard to resist turning Regina into a trembling ball. "You need to speak up."

"Please, _please_ _fuck_ _me_," Regina succumbed to the pressure and said the words a little louder, hoping this time she'd be rewarded.


	6. Fastidious

Henry hated that his mothers always fought. Ever since the curse was lifted, things hadn't been the same in the Mills household. Emma had been spending more time with her biological parents, whereas Regina was cooped up in the house, not wanting to step foot out in case the townspeople came to put her head on a platter. The sheriff hasn't been home in a few days, causing Henry to panic internally, since she hadn't tried to contact him, even through their talkies. He couldn't think of a reason why him and his other mother would be so angry at each other; maybe she found out why the Queen was always so against Snow White.

He sat in his room, fairytale book in hand, tapping his fingers on the cover. Trying to get Regina out of the house would be a major feat. She had been in the kitchen the whole time this was going on, cleaning every avaliable surface. Henry rarely seen his mother clean, even though their house was always in a very pristine state. He decided he would try to get Regina to run into Emma, so they could end this madness. All the little boy wanted was for everyone to be happy again, and he was absolutely determined to do just that.

Regina was right where he knew she was, bent over the island in the kitchen, scrubbing all of the stubborn spots she could find. "Mom?" He asked, stepping further into the room; the mayor didn't even raise her head. "Mom, do you think we could go to Granny's?" He leaned leaned up on the balls of his feet, hoping he could see any form of expression on his mother's face.

"Why, Henry?" She finally replied, leaning up and looking at him. Her hands stopped their movement, but they still firmly gripped the sponge her fingers were wrapped around. "You know I can't go anywhere right now. I'm even suprised you're not trying to kill me." Regina narrowed her eyes. She wanted to be left alone; she knew she wasn't going to be.

"I want some cocoa."

"Can't you just make some here?" Regina inquired, letting out an annoyed sigh. Of course he'd love to drag her out of the only place that was safe for her.

"Mom, you know it's not the same." Henry decided to give his mother the puppy eyes he was known best for along with that sentence. That got her.

"Fine, fine, fine," the brunette mumbled, tossing the sponge into the sink before wiping her hands on a towel. She fixed her hair as best as she could, not wanting to give the impression that those idiots had her knocked down. Regina exhaled and grabbed her bag, opening the front door or her son, "Go get in the car." Henry didn't need to be asked twice before he bolted out the door.

All eyes in Granny's shifted to the mayor as soon as she opened the door. She stopped for only a split second, thinking that she shouldn't even go in, but she wasn't going to let them get the best of her. Henry rushed in, hoping to see Emma, but his face fell when he didn't. _Where else would she be?_ He could sense his mother was getting uncomfortable by the way she was shifting her weight from one side of her body to the other. She wanted to go back home & she was starting to get angry. The boy walked up to the counter and ordered his cocoa to go.

"Are you ready to go home now?" Regina asked as she started her car, watching Henry put his seat belt on. After the words slipped out of her mouth, she regretted saying them.

"No, actually.. could we go to Mary Margaret's?" He moved his eyes over to her, starting his puppy dog look all over again.

"Why do you want to go there?" The mayor asked, making sure Henry could tell she was getting frustrated.

"They're my grandparents after all. Why can't I visit them?" He retorted, causing Regina to roll her eyes as she put the car in drive.

They pulled up to the building the teacher lived in, parking right along the curb. Henry hopped out of the car as fast as he could with his cocoa in his hand, running up to the door that concealed the stairs that lead to the apartment. Regina followed behind him, but not at his heels; she knew she wasn't going to be welcome in the place, so why didn't she just leave now & let him have his little visiting session, but she followed when he motioned for her to follow him.

Mary Margaret's face contorted a bit at the sight of the brunette on her doorstep. "What are you doing here?" Her icy stare set Regina aback; she didn't know Snow White had the capability to be so mean.

"Henry wanted to come. I was going to just drop him off, but he wanted me to come up, too," she replied as Henry pushed past her, running into the living room. Regina moved her head to see who he was sprinting to. She saw blonde hair and that token red leather jacket. _Emma_.

Was this the whole reason that he was dragging her throughout Storybrooke? He was trying to get her back with Emma. Regina did want to be reunited with the woman she had been spending most of her nights with, but once Emma realized all that happened in Fairytale Land was the real deal, she wasn't happy. _Of course she wouldn't be_, the mayor thought, _because of how much of a grudge I hold against her mother_.

Regina was trying to find the words to ask nicely to be let into the house. Mary Margaret kept her place, her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at the brown haired woman in front of her. She could hear Emma and Henry talking in the background and she sighed, kind of wishing she could be sharing in their conversation. Footsteps broke the words as she saw Emma come into view, a smile formed on her face.

"Mom, can you move, please," Emma traded places with the schoolteacher, leaning against the doorframe, looking at Regina, "Henry told me that he didn't want me to be angry at you anymore, but how can I not be when you tried to have my mother killed?"

"Emma, I-"

"No, Regina, please can you just let me talk?" The sheriff crossed her arms. Regina made a mental note that Emma and Mary Margaret had the exact same mannerisms, which made her smile internally at how similar they were. "I think I should stay here for a little bit, actually. I love you, but you did this to my family and you broke us up. My childhood could've been so different if you didn't set this curse on everyone."

Regina frowned, looking at her feet; Emma did have a real point. She would've been just as angry as the blonde if she were in the other's shoes. "Will you be home by the end of the week? You can't be mad forever, you know."

"I can," Emma mumbled, waiting a few seconds before speaking up, "I'll watch Henry why he's here, though. I'll drop him off in a few hours. I'll see you again, then." _So much for the invitation in_.

The boy frowned watching this transaction take place. He just wanted them both to be happy, but he guessed that it was going to take much longer than that for his mothers to forgive each other.


	7. Grievous

They've been together for a few years now. They watched Henry grow up into a nice young teenager, always helping everyone he could, no matter how much time it took away from him to do other things. But, now he was out of the house so much, Emma & Regina sort of missed having someone else in the house to watch after. Of course with Henry gone, they could have lots of time alone, but they always felt like something was missing. It only took them a few short months to come to the conclusion that they wanted to have another baby; to actually raise this one from infancy together. More importantly: as a family.

They waited a bit to tell Henry about their plan. Waited until they saw that picture on the screen of that tiny human growing inside of Regina's stomach. Waited for proof that this was definitely going to happen. Emma held her wife's hand the whole time, squeezing it every so often to show her excitement in the matter. Once she saw the image on the screen, she couldn't help but lean down, placing a firm, but loving kiss on Regina's cheek. When Emma pulled away, she could see tears going down the brunette's face. Silent, happy tears. When they found out, Emma was the one that said they should tell everyone about it, but Regina wanted to keep it quiet until she was actually showing to announce it to the world.

Once they knew their tries finally succeeded, everything felt so much happier in the Swan-Mills household. Regina would find herself singing, softly, while she did things around the house; more to the baby than to herself. Emma would watch, trying to be quiet & not to interrupt the sight before her; she just loved seeing Regina so animated. Everything was so great. Everyone was estatic over the thought of having another member of the family.

* * *

Emma had just gotten home from the sheriff's station, a smile still plastered on her face at the thought of seeing Regina's same exact expression. Though once she got into the house, getting out of her jacket and her typical boots, everything felt so much different. It was too quiet for Emma to stand.

"Regina?" The blonde called out, looking around the first level of their home. She waited a minute or two for a reply before she climbed the grand staircase, gripping the banister with all of her might as she came closer and closer to the sound that she was beginning to dread. She called out her wife's name once again, getting nothing in return but a choked out sob, coming from their bedroom.

The sheriff went through the room and up to the bathroom in five long strides, putting her hand on the doorknob, trying to open it, but having no luck. She placed her ear against the wood separating her from the broken woman behind it, hearing Regina crying; hearing things being moved and things being knocked over. Emma didn't know what was happening.

"Regina, open the door," the younger woman raised her voice, so she could be heard.

"No." Was the reply she got, followed by a few more of those, each descending in volume, most sounding like a wimpering noise.

Emma wasted no time, moving back to get a head start before slamming her side into the door. No go, but the crying did stop. The voice wavering as it called out, "Emma, _don't_come in here!" The blonde wasn't listening, back tracing again to do the same manuver. It succeeded this time; the door flew back and hit the spring designed to stop it, a little too hard. It bounced forward again and nearly hit Emma in the face, but even though she wasn't paying attention to anything but Regina, she managed to push it back once again.

Her eyes couldn't move. She couldn't speak. She didn't know how to deal with the mess that was in front of her. There was so much toilet paper, it looked much like it snowed inside that little bathroom, except for all of the red it was trying to cover. Regina had given up with hiding everything that had happened; her back against the wall as she still held bits and pieces of the tissue, her knuckles white. She was still shaking. She was still hiccuping. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but the only sounds that came out were gasps, her breath had hitched in her throat. She moved her eyes, but not her head, looking at Emma through her peripheral vision.

Finally, with a strongeness that shocked even her, she whispered: "I told you not to come in here." She reached up, wiping her nose and her eyes on her sleeves, trying to stop the dam that threatened to break once again. It was no use.

Emma walked into the bathroom, careful not to make it an even bigger mess. She slid down next to Regina. She didn't know what to make of this. She knew what had happened. That was clear. Though Emma didn't want to acknowledge it. She didn't want to even think for just one second that they wouldn't get to live their dream of raising another child together.

"I'm sorry," was all the brunette could get out as she felt Emma's strong arms scoop her up into an embrace, "I'm sorry.." The younger woman's fingers threaded carefully though her hair. She started feeling calm. Serene. Her tears had stopped and so had her shaking. All she needed was Emma to tell her that it was okay. She just needed to be reassured that this one thing was not her fault. She wanted to hear those words.

"We can try again," Emma whispered into Regina's hair, trying to keep her own tears in this time. She let her fingers dig into the fabric that was around the older woman's waist, causing it to wrinkle. Regina let it slide, saying nothing about it.

They sat quietly, amist the blood & the desperate cover-up, wondering why they could never just have one thing go right.


	8. Haphazard

_And just like that, she was fourteen again. She was struggling with the balance of becoming a proper woman, all the while, still acting like the childish little kid she was a heart. All of the servants in the house would always say that Regina was the smartest and most beautiful child in all the land; her long black hair flowing so perfectly over her shoulders. She had bright eyes. They were always so full of happiness and hope. She was sweet, always wanting to help everyone. She even sometimes helped the servants with their jobs, no matter how much it upset her mother._

_Cora had a particularly firm hold on the little girl. She would always get her attention one way or another, be it with a gentle croon of her voice or the fast action of magic that pulled her daughter to her. Regina was positively scared of her mother. She always tried to maintain her distance, finding ways out of the room as soon as Cora had entered. Regina's father never helped much as soon as her mother's hands had gotten around her. He didn't like any of what Cora did, but he couldn't stop her. He didn't know how. His wife was mad. Sometimes he even wished he never brought a child into this situation._

_Regina had been slacking on her school. She had always been skipping all of the etiquette classes and the ballroom dancing lessons. She felt like she didn't have to learn any of that stuff to be a proper woman.. or as her mother put it a 'future queen'. Regina didn't want to be queen; she didn't want to rule a land of people she didn't even know. Every time she would stray from her classes, she would hide in one of the servant girl's rooms, reading. She thought it was so silly to learn about forks and knives and the proper way to use your feet while dancing when all she wanted to do was read. She wanted to learn about other things. Much more enjoyable things._

_She had the book in her hand, skimming her eyes over the pages when it was ripped from her hands, flying across the room in a single swish. Regina sat up, quickly, looking over her shoulder to see her mother & her expression told the girl that she was not happy one bit._

_"I thought you had dancing lessons," Cora growled, angry over the very thought of her daughter not growing up the way she wanted her to. She wanted her daughter to succeed. She wanted her to be of the most absolute royalty, but Regina never tried, and that's what angered her the most._

_"I don't want to do it," the young girl stood up quickly, assuming her position of the little injured puppy dog, looking up at Cora with big eyes. It was no use. Cora had raise her hand up, a swirl of white gathering strength in her palm. Regina held her hands up, "Please, Mama, no magic.." She wanted to say it stronger, but it only came out as a whisper._

_Cora smirked at the girls request, "No magic? We'll see what I can do with no magic." She grabbed the girl's arm the hardest she could, digging her nails into the fair skin underneath. Regina let out a cry as her mother pulled her out of the room & down the hall. She knew what was coming next. She should've just kept her mouth shut about her mother's powers. Regina had tried to move, tried to escape out of Cora's firm grip, but it was too hard. She knew she wouldn't be able to get away to hide behind her father._

_"Mama, I'm sorry," Regina was swallowing her tears as she stood in her place. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to just take her punishment and maybe if she didn't cry, her mother would keep it short. "I will go to my lessons. I will.." She pleaded as her mother pulled the leather belt off the hook by the armoire. Regina watched as Cora curled that belt into the perfect 'U' shape she had mostly seen it in._

_"Mama, no!"_

_The first slap of the hard leather against her back was unexpected. She lurched forward, trying not to fall over after the blow. The sting was instant. She was hitting old scars and Regina could feel that the worst. The second crack didn't feel any better. It retraced all of the past marks, causing a loud cry to come out of the young girl's mouth. She couldn't hold it in any longer. Her mother was getting her way once again._

Regina had sat up rather quickly, jolting the bed in a way that shifted Emma Swan out of a deep sleep. The blonde lifted her head, her eyes squinting as she tried to adjust them to the light. Emma had taken to sometimes waking up like this, watching her girlfriend sitting silent in the middle of the night, beads of sweat travelling down the sides of her face & neck.

"Did you have another nightmare again?" Emma asked, reaching over and trying to touch the mayor's hand, but Regina pulled away as a reflex. She didn't want to be touched. Not after all of those times her mother had turned those loving caresses into bruising marks. Emma sat up when she felt the bed slowly beginning to shake. She watched Regina's shoulders bob perfectly to the silent cries that racked her body.

"Honey..," Emma whispered, wrapping an arm around the black-haired woman, who didn't protest this time, "You're safe here. Nothing's going to happen. You're okay. I'm here to protect you." She whispered the words she always did when Regina had her night terrors. The words were always so soothing in the older woman's ear.

Sometimes Regina was so glad that Emma never asked about how she had gotten those criss-crossed scars on her back.


	9. Ignite

_Dear Mother:_

_Emma was watching Oprah (shocking, right?) and she had said to get over anger, you had to write a letter to the person that you couldn't really forgive, then light it on fire. She insisted that I give it a try. I thought the whole thing was silly and I dismissed it right away, but now here I am: locked up in my den, sitting at my desk and writing this letter. I don't expect to get over anything, to be honest._

_You hurt me. You used me just to gain power. I was a pawn. I don't even know if I should think that all of the things you said to me when I was little were truths. That you loved me more than anything, that I was special, that I was destined for great things. Well, Mother, I was Queen, all because of you. I was married to someone three times my age. I was stuck in a marriage I didn't want just because you wanted me to be in a seat of power. Of course it seems so nice on paper, the title of Queen. I wished life was as nice as the words and false hopes you drilled into my brain._

_I thought I was going to be in a position where no one could stop me. I wasn't even allowed to leave the kingdom without him. I could never have time to myself; I was always called away to meetings where I was treated as someone who didn't know her hands from her feet, balls where I was ridiculed because I was an outcast. He never loved me as much as he loved Snow's mother. I was just someone to warm his bed._

_He took something I held so dear away from me: my innocence. I could never sleep, knowing that maybe one night, once I closed my eyes, I might open them to find him on top of me, his body pressing against mine in a way that made me feel so filthy and wrong. I took baths afterwards - scrubbing his smell, his hidden hand prints, his saliva, my own blood off my body. I cried in the bathtub, every single time he came to visit me, every time I was called to his room to service him. I thought if I just wrapped my arms around myself, everything would go away. I could be transported somewhere else, where I could have been happy._

_This wasn't all, Mother. He would hit me, just like you did. His hands would grip my wrists so tightly, I could feel the blood slowly draining from my finger tips. He would throw me into walls, onto the bed, into doors. I had bruises I couldn't hide. Snow was always so curious, asking me about them. I always thought it would be such sweet justice to tell her that her father wasn't the loving man she always boasted about. Though I always told her the servants were clumsy while fitting me into my gowns, that I had a bout of clumsiness myself and ran into a bedpost or I fell off my horse._

_Though all of this was different. Him hurting me wasn't like you hurting me. I was so much younger when you used your magic to force me into things. Riding lessons, dance lessons, piano lessons. I didn't want any of it. When I never wanted to go and you'd hit me with the leather strap, or you'd even dare use your own hands were the times I most wished I was dead. That if I wasn't born: I wouldn't have to go through all of this misery._

_I tried to drown myself once. After you had beat me for not wanting to learn how to waltz, I took a bath. I had to rid myself of the blood on my back, the pain of the open sores and newly forming scars. I just kept thinking that this wasn't love. You never loved me. This was all some sort of illusion. Perhaps you really weren't my real mother. My parents had given me up long ago. I was sixteen, Mother. I was only sixteen when I ducked my head under the water and prayed to anyone that would listen that maybe.. just maybe if I took in a breath and let the water into my lungs that I'd go somewhere else. Somewhere where I could just be myself. I got scared that I couldn't breathe and I sat up as quick as I could. I couldn't do it. I couldn't just let go of my life so easily. Maybe something would change. Something had to change, right?_

_Once I pushed you into that mirror, once I killed Leopold, I thought everything was going to be better. Perhaps everything was going to be different and I could live my own life. I was still wrong. I hunted Snow down because she had betrayed my trust. I spent my life making sure her and her husband couldn't win. I cast a curse that I thought would give me happiness. That didn't happen either._

_I had adopted Henry, I had a failed relationship, but.. you know what, Mother? I guess something good came out of all I had to go through. I don't let everyone step over me. I'm not a doormat. You could never force me into anything. I stand my ground and I can protect and fend for myself. I don't surrender easily. Guess what else: I even found someone to love me through all of this. Someone to love me even with my flaws._

_Emma loves me. She whispers the words in my ear late at night when she thinks I'm sleeping. She wraps her arms around me when she knows I'm having a bad day. She listens to me when I need to talk and she's quiet when I don't even have words to say. She just holds me at night when I wake up from having nightmares about what you and Leopold had put me through. She presses her lips against my ear and I feel like everything is right. Emma never asks questions, she doesn't know about my past or what I had to deal with. I plan on telling her. I plan on telling her every single detail of my life and you know what's going to happen? She's going to love me no matter what. She's not going to consider me weak, like you did._

_So, I guess the joke's on you, Mother. I'm stronger than ever._

_Your daughter:_  
_Regina_

* * *

She folded up the letter, bringing it up and pressing it to her lips as she closed her eyes. Regina had sat there for a long while, the letter clutched tightly in her hand. All she had to do was burn it, to let it go, and perhaps she could start letting everything else go.

Emma watched the silent tears going down her girlfriend's face as she lit the letter up, watching the flames tear at the paper like it was something so delectable. She didn't ask what got Regina so worked up, she only moved back behind the woman and wrapped her arms around the older woman's waist. The brunette's eyes were fixed on the fire, watching the flames slowly lick the treat it was given as they inched their way up to her fingers. She had finally let go, letting the note fall on the patio, the fire consuming the rest of it and leaving some ash.

She continued to cry, her chest starting to heave and her stomach pushing against the blonde's arms. Her hands had found Emma's and she held the tightly, a noise resembling some kind of animalistic whimper left her lips.


End file.
